Hey, guess what? I joined a gym! From the time I failed PE in high school until last Tuesday, I considered exercise to be some kind of sadistic joke, to be avoided at all costs. But now, I am spending my evenings bouncing up and down on the treadmill in a whole row of bouncing girls, most of them way better groomed than I am. Most of them with ponytails.

I like the treadmill a lot, better than any of the more complex stair-climbing or pedaling machines. I like it way better than actual walking. Why? Because I like to be in control.

Here is what I can do: I can change the slope of the treadmill by pressing one button so it is like I m walking uphill, and if I want the hill to be a little steeper, I can keep pushing that button, or I can push another button to make it flatten out again. I can make it go faster and slower in almost unnoticeable degrees, up to about 5 1/2 miles an hour, at which point I can't keep up and go sliding off towards the back of the machine. There is an entire home entertainment center built into the machine so I can watch TV or listen to CDs. A display tells me how fast I am going, how far I've gone, and how many calories I've burned. If I grab on to two metal handles in the front it will tell me my heart rate. It is really something.

Today I went a bit further and actually lifted some weights. Not very many weights, but enough to know that I should probably lift more of them. I want to have sexy sexy arms and wear lotso f tank tops in the summer. That is my goal.

The only real hurdle to overcome at the gym is the nakedness. I am deeply opposed to being naked in public, and it is pretty much a requirement at the gym. And since the only thing worse than walking from the shower to my locker with only one very small towel on is knowing that I look horribly embarrassed doing it. Ack.