Things you should know about being married

You will start fighting almost immediately upon your return to normal life. Other married people will tell you, "Oh yes, we fought for the first X years too!" The value of X will range from 1 to 16. I mentioned this to one of my coworkers, and the next time I saw him, he winked and made a shooting motion with his finger and said "oh yeah, one to sixteen." That sounds like something you'd have tattooed on your arm in prison.

You will still get crushes on people, oh yes, and you will feel ten times worse about it than you ever did before. This will make you want to get drunk and slam your head repeatedly against the bathroom wall.

You will feel claustrophobic and frustrated and kind of let down because your ring didn't turn out to be a magic ring. It doesn't let you fly or turn invisible or not be irritated by stupid little things anymore.

Sometimes you won't feel married, and you'll find that disturbing.

Your husband (or wife) will have a much less angst-ridden time of it, and that will make you feel really guilty too.

Oh, Sascha, I love you.