I just bought some pants that are rather larger than previous pants of mine. What has happened to my anorexic little ass? I am becoming old and lumpy. Also, I bought a jacket that is a size 2, so apparently I am deformed. A freak of nature with a shriveled upper body and bulbous lower regions. (Appealing, eh?)

There are only two options.

I can stop taking my medication, become horribly depressed and agitated, break up with Sascha, stop eating and spend all my time in a coffeehouse drinking coffee and chain smoking until my hipbones protrude from the surrounding flesh.

Or I could work out.

Oh dear.