I am in a state of nervous despair about the wedding. How did this happen to me? There are so many things to do. And every time I think I understand what is expected of me, someone tells me about something else that I need to buy or to do that I never in a million years would have thought of.

Here are some of the things I am apparently supposed to do in the next 6 months:

1. Order an appropriate number of yarmulkes with our names on them, and the date.

2. Rent-a-Chuppah (1-800-5-JEWISH!)

3. Get a Ketubah. I didn't even know what this was, but I sure do now. And now I need one. These Ketubot are unbelievable beautiful. They are ten times more than I could ever afford.

4. Register for more stuff to put in our apartment. Why do we need more stuff? I mean, it's a pretty small apartment and it's kind of full.

5. Pick a color scheme for the wedding. Huh.

6. Get a manicure.

What I have done:

1. Drew a picture of two cats loudly announcing our impending marriage.

2. Ruined $30 worth of really charming paper by using the wrong kind of printer to print the announcing cats.

3. Ordered a paper eyelet setter so I can make our wedding invitations out of several layers of paper fastened together like this.

4. Photocopied my hand with the engagement ring on it quite a few times
5. Spent $150 on a button maker so I can make crazy numbers of buttons. How this relates to the wedding is a little tenuous, but I am telling you. This is the best $150 I ever spent. I can put anything on a button. I have infinite power.